Russia (bbabo.net), - In psycho-neurological boarding schools, especially for children, the fact that they exist is already bad. These are government institutions, where the wretchedness of the environment merges with fear in the eyes. And also - indifferent staff, horror stories about drugs that jam any activity, and belts that tie you up. The abbreviation "PNI" alone evokes horror even for an ignorant person - "we are definitely not welcome here."

These government institutions are called, at least in the Samara province, in the old fashioned way - a boarding school for mentally retarded children. One can argue about the preservation of intelligence in people with mental disabilities, but one thing is clear: with a general "low start", the chances for the development of a parent and state child differ significantly.

- Do you know that in this situation, not only boarding schools are to blame, the staff of which does not like their wards? And not only the state, which little and not always in the right form helps the parents of such babies. Somehow it is customary to keep silent about families to whom fate sent such a son or daughter, and half of the inhabitants, for example, of the Samara PNI, have them: alive and healthy, not deprived of parental rights, sometimes quite prosperous.

This sad introduction began my conversation with the director of the EVITA charity fund, Olga Shelest, an amazing person, for whom there is no other person's misfortune and other people's children. And although the main profile of her organization is helping palliative babies and their parents, she also could not pass by the problems of PNI.

Onion woe

It all started with her visit to the Samara boarding school last spring, by that time it had already been quarantined for a year, and therefore, it was not under the control of either the relevant Ministry of Social and Demographic Development or volunteers. Of the violations identified then, onion salad and empty soup with semolina are, perhaps, the smallest. The children walked around in cast-offs, bedsores were treated with green paint, they did not hear anything about walks, treatment and education. The director of the boarding school, after the intervention of the prosecutor's office, lost her place. The nurse, who tied the disobedient to the beds, got off with a suspended sentence. But undeniable problems remain ...

- I am sure that such institutions, even if all the rules and regulations are observed there (90 thousand rubles a month are allocated for the maintenance of a child in the PNI - not every family can afford this), should remain at least. This is for those who will not be able to return to the family or find foster parents. The fact is that the form of such a living arrangement has exhausted itself, - Olga Yuryevna is sure. - And so the first thing we tried to do was to return special guys to the family.

But it’s one thing to write angry comments on social networks about the horrors of the “state house” and quite another to post on your page (and Shelest is a popular blogger with thousands of subscribers) with a proposal to take one of the boarding school students to visit. To many, the idea seemed unexpected and even delusional. But the author did not count on the heartfelt response of the majority. The world is changed by units.

- Of the four children who were then taken to stay, two went to the family. One girl was taken to visit by her mother, who has two healthy sons. And the woman, in six months, socialized her, wild, so that her friend mother from the Ulyanovsk region took her to a foster family, without even bringing her to a boarding house, - says Olga Yuryevna and to my question "will there be happy stories with other children in the future?" ruefully waved her hand: - This needs to be done. All departments seem to be interested, but no one is ready to plunge into the problem. For example, to assign to our fund an employee of the guardianship authorities who have a database of foster families, families with disabled children, in order to work individually for each case.

Our main goal is to build relationships with parents. The fact is that out of 137 children from four to 18 years old living in a boarding house, almost half have moms and dads. And the children live there because of their difficult life situation (DLS), which lasts for years and decades. When I asked how the "situation" could be endless, the interlocutor bitterly summarizes: "according to the law."- Schematically, it looks like this. Parents come to the "Family" center and say that they cannot cope with a difficult life situation. Well, let's say the house burned down, they lost their job, a single mother urgently needs to go to the hospital. But more often, a difficult life situation is just a disabled child, for which the family is not ready morally and psychologically. And a special baby is placed in the PNI first for six months, then extended for another six months and more, - explains Olga Shelest. - But the main definition of TJS is spelled out in the law - it is not only a disabled child, but also "the inability to cope with this situation on their own", although it is clear that such a state cannot last indefinitely, as a rule, six months is enough. And if not enough, then either there was no such situation at all, or the parents do not want to change it. Often everything depends on the psychological problems of adults who cannot accept the child as he is, consider this the collapse of their parenthood. And here it is necessary not to place the baby in a state-owned house, but to work with adults as a psychologist. As for really difficult situations, among all the families that have already gone through a consultation of specialists, so far there are only two of them. But in one, for example, the mother of a 13-year-old teenager with schizophrenia and the aggression associated with it found an option not to be separated from her son. She takes him every day - walks, plays, feeds, talks, teaches, and brings him to the boarding house to spend the night to recover herself. But such stories in PNI are rare, more often parents do not abandon the child, receive all the payments due from the state, but do not maintain any relationship with the child.

Extra Misha

"A 13-year-old down son is the muzzle of a gun at the temple of his parents. They try to fulfill the terms of the agreement so that guardianship does not have a chance to deprive them of their parental rights. But also to take the child to their cozy apartment - do not want.

"I protect my family from him, but what about us? Our other children? Why should he feel good, although he does not understand anything at all, and we all have to suffer?" - said dad.

The director has a plump folder on the table - Misha's personal file. In front of dad is a folder twice as thick with evidence for 10 years that his family is in a difficult state of life and cannot raise Misha" - these are the lines from Olga Shelest's post.

Meanwhile, Misha has a hearing loss and needs to see a doctor. But the director of the PNI cannot take a referral for an examination at the hospital, because the child has parents. Misha needs hearing aids, but his parents won't buy them. So he lives in silence.

And the parents work, take their healthy children to sections and developmental classes, relax, go to the cinema and, backed up by an agreement, take their son home for 24 hours a week. And they suffer themselves, and torture Misha, because they do not love him, but he feels it.

"It is not clear who came up with the idea that TJS can last for years and decades? Who came up with the idea that a child is better off in an orphanage? Who came up with the idea that these people are parents?" - asks Olga Shelest.

But, descending from rhetorical heights to the ground, we suddenly discover quite understandable earthly benefits.

Mathematics of failed parenthood

- The pension of a disabled child is 17 thousand rubles, another 10 thousand can be received by one of the parents for care (years are counted as seniority). 27 thousand per month in our region is the salary of a teacher or an employee at a factory, a good safety cushion from the state, - continues Olga Shelest. - Plus, medical and social rehabilitation, free vouchers to sanatoriums, diapers, strollers. And also general payments for children and matkapital. As a mother of a disabled child, I understand very well that this is not enough. But after all, if you don’t invest, but place the child in the PNI, where the state pays for him, then it’s quite a decent reward. True, it is not clear why? And in case of refusal from the "uncomfortable child" parents will have to pay child support for him. But then the baby will then have a chance to find a new family. You know, the first child with a disability, whom I managed to place in a foster family in my volunteer practice, was Kiryusha. And I am very glad that the biological parents immediately abandoned him. At five months, I met the baby, and at eight he went to live with his real mom and dad. This year the guy went to school, such a good fellow! Everything related to any health disorders - the first years for rehabilitation are the most valuable.

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